


Seasons

by kelleigh (girlfromcarolina)



Series: SPN Masquerade Fills [9]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Domestic, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelity, M/M, Marriage, Relationship(s), Still Happy Though?, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:04:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6744286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlfromcarolina/pseuds/kelleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen won't press for more. He wants to live in this moment for as long as he can.</p>
<p>Turns out Jared wants that, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seasons

**Author's Note:**

> At first, I wasn't sure anyone would want to read this story. I wasn't even sure I could write it. Infidelity stories aren't really something I seek out. But I challenged myself based on the prompt, and I'm really happy with the result. And the positive feedback I've gotten has been amazing. I tried a new style with this, but it's the theme itself that I'm most pleased with.
> 
> **Original prompt:** J2 infidelity: J1's wife grew up with J2, best friends and practically a brother to her. Relationship begins innocent enough - Js bonding over shared job/hobby and 'in the moment' kissing - leads to late night confessions and, eventually...author's choice. No reveal or catching affair, just J2 carrying on for weeks/months/years and refusing to tell wives.
> 
> http://spn-masquerade.livejournal.com/7665.html?thread=2530801#t2530801

 

Alexis is like Spring. Everything is new and exciting, change in the air and summer right around the corner. A time for looking ahead, ready for what comes next. She’s last-minute trips and adventuring in the wild without a map. Fresh and sweet while still clinging to the memory of a long winter.

Jared is like Autumn. Crisp and refreshing, a relief after enduring the long heat of summer. A time when change comes slowly, more peaceful and serene. He’s gold and evergreen, content with where he is. It’s about appreciating the warmth of the afternoon sun on your face and chilly nights best spent by the fireside.

Jensen has always preferred the Fall.

+++++

Jared stands behind Jensen during the wedding ceremony. He’s one of Alexis’ closest friends, but tradition and the bride’s mother prevented him from lining up with the other bridesmaids.

They’re both wearing tuxedos chosen by Alexis, Jensen in a white bowtie and Jared sporting green like the rest of the groomsmen. Jensen appreciates his steady presence and easy humor, always ready with a joke when Jensen needs to lighten up, or a calm mind when he starts to freak out. He's only known Jared for a few months, but they get along like old friends, supportive and sincere.

Jared gives a beautiful toast at their reception, hazel eyes open and honest when he addresses the bride and groom, wishing them every happiness. Jensen listens with a light heart and a smile, holding his new wife’s hand and basking in the attention. He’s grateful for every blessing this day has brought, blessings that now include the man asking the room to raise their flutes of champagne to the new couple.

+++++

At first, Jensen and Alexis travel together. They circle the world as if they’re on an extended honeymoon, and they fill a page in their passports before their first anniversary. He likes trotting the globe with his wife. She’s smart and savvy, using her network of contacts to give Jensen a taste of the reporter’s life.

As time goes on, Jensen begins to miss a trip here and there. With every promotion, he shoulders more and more responsibility at his firm. He loves the job, but he’s no longer able to pick up and catch a flight to Tokyo, Madrid, Jakarta, or wherever Alexis is being sent. She’s gone for two weeks at a time. Often longer.

Alexis offers to cut back on the travel. Jensen doesn't want to be the kind of husband who puts his own career in front of his wife’s, so he tells her to do what she needs to do in order to succeed.

By the time their third anniversary passes, Jensen has only gone on four trips in the last two years.

Jensen gets used to having the house to himself. He becomes accustomed to sleeping in the middle of the bed, taking his showers at night. It used to annoy Alexis when he’d climb into bed with wet hair. He cooks out on the fancy grill his parents bought as a wedding gift more often. Alexis preferred to cook inside where the smoke wouldn't get to her.

He misses his wife, and he hates the thought of these separations becoming more and more frequent, but they’re both dedicated to their careers. They knew it coming into the marriage.

Jensen does the best he can, making sure to catch Alexis on video chat at least once a day.

They’re making it work. In this day and age, that's something to be proud of.

+++++

Alexis comes home for their fourth Christmas together. They celebrate by hosting a Christmas Eve party that rivals the ones Jensen’s parents used to throw when he was a child, grand occasions filled with the warmth of family and friends gathered close.

Jensen manages to schedule nine days off. Alexis originally wanted him to join her in London, but he convinced her to fly home instead. She’ll be gone again by New Year’s Day. He vows to make the most of their time together, limited though it may be, and he envisions the party as the perfect way for them to reconnect with those closest to their hearts.

Jared arrives to the party bearing a case of red wine from one of his distributors and two different hors d’oeuvres from his kitchen. He drags Alexis in for a hug and a kiss before pulling Jensen close for the same treatment. His smile is incandescent and rarely off his face, owing to the success of his restaurant.

Alexis bends Jared’s ear for nearly an hour describing all the types of cuisine she sampled on her last trip while Jensen circulates and makes certain everyone has what they need. His chest swells to see his home full of life and spirit. He only wishes it would last beyond the holiday.

+++++

Jared invites them to a late December dinner at the restaurant. Over a bottle of Pinot Gris, Alexis suggests that Jensen spend time with Jared while she’s away. To keep each other out of trouble, she says. It would make her happy to see her _two best guys_ get to know one another better.

Jensen has no cause to disagree. From the short time he’s been able to spend with his Alexis’ friend since the wedding, Jensen knows he and Jared get along well, their personalities complementary rather than overly similar. Jared embraces the idea, inviting him to wind down at the restaurant after work instead of dragging himself back to an empty house. 

Jensen ignores the voice that tells him to be cautious, that Jared might be too charming. That phase has passed. Still, he thinks about the captain of his college swim team, the T.A. from his third level accounting class, and the beautiful men in the glittering clubs who had danced their way past midnight and into Jensen’s memories. He reminds himself that once he met Alexis, there were no more crushes, no more shining dancers beckoning with their bodies. Jensen is happily married now. 

Then Jared hugs him at the end of the night, promising to see him soon, and Jensen forgets.

+++++

There are late night meals and games on Sundays. Trips to the hardware store and random household projects. Alexis had convinced Jensen to buy a _fixer-upper_ as their first home and promptly scheduled another season full of travel. He doesn’t mind the work these days, though. Jared’s no expert, but he’s willing to help and learn, so together they move from project to project over the course of the next four months. By the middle of Spring, the house no longer feels so incomplete.

They finish laying the hardwood floor in the master bedroom just in time for Alexis to return from two weeks in Lisbon. She insists on having Jared over for dinner as a thank you for all he’s done, and Jensen tells her he’ll cook ribs out on the grill. They’re Jared’s favorite.

The three of them finish two bottles of wine, sharing stories and filling in the gaps of their overlapping lives. Jensen doesn’t tell anyone how strange it feels to walk Jared to the door at the end of the evening with his wife by his side. He figures it’ll take a few days to get used to her presence again.

Later that night after Alexis rides him to completion and waves off his genuine attempt to return the favor, she frowns at the dark wood floor and asks why he didn’t install the oak they selected ages ago. The Brazilian cherry is intricate and gorgeous, Jensen tells her. He doesn’t add that Jared was the one who suggested the change.

Expecting Alexis to work him over more about the switch, he’s surprised when she only shrugs and says she’ll barely see it anyway. She steps into the en-suite bathroom and shuts the door.

Jensen tries not to feel relieved.

+++++

It becomes a regular thing for Jensen to meet Jared at his restaurant a few nights each week. Soon he has a reserved seat at the far end of the polished, upscale bar, and when he walks in on any given night, the bartender knows to pour him a glass of Madagascar Vanilla Bourbon from Jared’s private selection. There’s enough room beside his stool for Jared to tuck in between Jensen and the wall. They'll share snippets from their day while Jared still has business to conduct. Once the dinner service wraps up and it’s left to the staff to clean and close down, Jared finally sits down on the stool next to his, a plate of that night’s special set between them to share.

Jensen’s never felt time pass so quickly. It’s usually past ten o’clock when Jared walks Jensen to his car, lingering longer and longer each night as they cease to run out of things to talk about.

Back at home, Jensen lies awake in his too big, too empty bed for hours. Alexis will want to Skype in the morning, but for now it’s only Jensen and the phantom of something he hasn’t thought about in a long time.

It’s different, the way two men move together. Not the same as being with Alexis, whose body he knows so well. He knows where to touch to make her laugh, to make her gasp, to make her cry out. Familiar and appealing, but there are certain things he’s missed.

Broader, longer muscles, wide palms with a sure grip. A different kind of strength to contend with, a different way to find balance. But it’s the tastes, the smells Jensen misses the most. His mouth waters at the thought of another man’s cock on his tongue, the taste of his sweat. Shivers when he imagines the scents he’d discover along his elegant, perpetually tanned throat, or in his thick, wavy hair, or deep between his thighs.

He comes in his own first thinking about someone other than his wife for the first time in years and falls asleep before he has a chance to feel guilty.

+++++

On Memorial Day, Jensen grills two steaks, one for him and one for Jared, who is his only guest. He prefers it this way, actually. Big parties are fine once in awhile, but Jensen can’t imagine anything better than this: a sunny afternoon, a cooler full of beer, and Jared stretched out on one of the patio chairs.

If Alexis were here, there would be no grilling. They’d probably spend their day off reconnecting physically and talking about work, because that’s what it’s been like the previous three times she’s come home. Twice she stayed for a week, once for a mere three days.

Jensen wonders when he became a layover.

She’s in Italy now and will be for the next eleven days, giving Jensen a short span of _calm_ between missing her when she goes and anticipating her return. Days when he enjoys Jared’s company the most. Like today, listening to the sound of Jared’s voice and feeling whole once more, as if his life hasn’t become something he no longer recognizes.

Jared notices his distraction and reaches out. It’s just his hand on Jensen’s arm, but it’s also skin to skin. Jensen sighs when he pulls back, telling himself not to jump to conclusions regarding the way Jared’s gaze is suddenly focused inward.

A full meal and four beers later, Jensen asks Jared to spend the night in the guest room, which they had painted and recarpeted the month before, rather than driving home. Jared is silent following the request, long enough for Jensen to fret, but he finally accepts. When they part ways at the door to the guestroom, Jared turns around and opens his mouth to say something.

Jensen is torn between wanting him to ask and praying he won’t. He doesn’t know what his answer would be.

For better or worse, the question goes unasked.

With a gentle smile, Jared turns into the guestroom and shuts the door. The next morning, when Jared asks how he slept, Jensen winks and says never better.

He didn’t know he was such a good liar.

+++++

Alexis’ trip to Budapest gets postponed, giving them nearly a month together at the beginning of summer. Jensen tries to get her involved in some of the renovations he has drawn out for their house, to which she laughs, joking that she wouldn’t want to get in the middle of his _guy time_ with Jared. Instead, they go out with friends, attend two weddings, and have dinner with their families.

Of course Jared insists on treating them to a meal at his restaurant. Jensen starts to head for his usual seat at the bar before his wife hooks her arm through his and turns him towards a table where the hostess is placing two menus.

That unsettled feeling remains throughout the evening. He’s quiet while Alexis grills Jared for the latest gossip from their circle of mutual friends. Jensen tells himself to take deeps breaths and enjoy what’s supposed to be just a regular night, and he ignores the weight of Jared’s stare as much as he can. His wife notices nothing, carefree as ever, touching Jared’s arm when she laughs while she holds Jensen’s hand under the table.

It’s not relief he feels when he takes her to the airport nine days later, but it’s shaded with the same brush. He hasn’t seen Jared since their dinner at the restaurant. When Jensen texted, Jared wrote back that he was giving them space. Another text with a _wink_ emoticon follows two minutes later, like a rushed afterthought.

Alexis texts him later that night saying she’s made it to JFK Airport where she’ll board her next flight to Budapest. Jensen writes back from his regular seat at Jared’s bar.

Jared might have been trying to stay out of the way, but when he saw Jensen walk into his restaurant, he smiled. It was as if the last nine days never happened.

+++++

When Jensen proposed to Alexis five years ago, he assumed he’d experienced his last _first kiss_. That she was his everything for the rest of his life. The melancholy of that thought was far outweighed by the joy in his heart when she said yes.

In fact, he doesn’t think about it again until a warm night in August when he finds himself kissing Jared: a _first_ he thought he’d never get to have after getting married.

After Alexis left for Budapest, Jared again tried to put some distance between them. Pushed house projects off, saying he was too busy. Spent more time in his office at the restaurant during dinner than out at the bar.

Jensen knew why, of course; there was no need to ask. He felt it, too. That knot in his chest that pulled itself tighter each time they saw one another.

It didn’t mean he was willing to give up on Jared. The man had become an addiction, an incomparable high running through his blood. The separation _ached_.

Jensen makes the first move. He's glad to be the one who will have to shoulder that guilt. He waits for Jared at the bar, smiles at the bartender when she asks if he’d like anything else before she closes out for the night. It’s not unusual for Jensen to linger until Jared finishes his work, but Jared hasn’t emerged from the back in nearly ninety minutes.

When Jared finally comes out, he startles at the sight of Jensen sitting there alone. In those few seconds, Jensen sees many things in his expression - surprise, hope, desire - before they disappear behind a mask of indifference. Jensen is gentle with his conversation, gives Jared no excuse to run back to the safety of his office.

Jared walks Jensen to his car as if their routine hasn’t suffered over the last few weeks. Jensen imagined he’d have to wait for the perfect opening, but when Jared meets his eyes, he just knows. He has to kiss Jared. He’ll regret it for the rest of his life if he doesn’t find out what Jared’s lips taste like. It's as if the remainder of his days hinge on this singular experience, and he’s not disappointed.

Jared doesn’t balk or pull away. Whatever might be going through his mind, he physically commits to the kiss. His lips yield perfectly, soft and supple, and his hands find Jensen's waist as if the grooves were sculpted solely for his touch.

Jensen won't press for more. He wants to live in this moment for as long as he can.

Turns out Jared wants that, too.

+++++

Jensen savors Jared like a man starved. Feasts on the taste of his skin, sandalwood and citrus. Scents the delicate skin behind his ears. Jensen’s been gone from this world for too long, he has trouble controlling himself.

With Alexis he can be patient. With Jared, the tempest takes over. He loses minutes, hours, days, in bed with Jared. Time means nothing when he's deep within Jared's body. 

Alexis is in Montreal when Jensen sucks Jared's cock for the first time. She skypes Jensen from a bistro that morning, and he spends the rest of the day on his knees at Jared's house. Worships Jared until his knees ache and his mouth is bruised. 

Alexis is on her flight home when Jared returns the favor. 

She's on a four day tour of Vancouver when Jensen finally fucks Jared. 

It's been three weeks since their kiss in the parking lot, and Jensen finally knows what Jared feels like around him. They fuck rampant and reverent in turns. Christen every room in Jared house, his office in the restaurant, and part with bite marks on their chests and shoulders, bruises on their wrists from holding one another down, voices hoarse from screaming one another’s names. The next night they spend countless, quiet hours tracing the patterns on each other's skin, lips skimming over freckles and moles, like learning to read maps.

For the first time in years, Jensen feels fulfilled. He has someone waiting for him after work and conversations that don't take place in different time zones. He's living his life _with_ Jared.

For the most part.

Instead of days, weeks, months, Jensen begins to measure time in the number of trips Alexis schedules. Time with Jared, time without him. Two different lives.

Alexis is a rush. Attending social occasions, always planning what’s next, getting little to no sleep. He’s gotten used to the mattress in Jared’s bedroom; his own feels strange. His wife is leaps and bounds ahead of him. Their future looks different each time she returns with a new vision. It’s hard not to get caught up in her whirlwind. Her enthusiasm is a wonder, it’s one of the things Jensen loves most about her, and there are days when he can picture himself alongside her in that very future, standing in a foreign city and laughing together.

Then she leaves again, and the mirage fades.

Jared is the balance. Having a real discussion, learning everything about one another, discovering how well they fit together. He lets Jensen _recover_ from his time with Alexis. He might be Jensen’s new addiction, but he’s also rehab when Alexis jets off and leaves him reeling.

Jared’s future looks like growth, responsibility. Like something he can build and look after, and when Jensen reaches for him in the middle of the night, curls himself against that long, beautiful body, he knows he could be happy experiencing this every night for the rest of his life.

Two different futures.

Jensen doesn’t need his higher education to know that living both will be impossible.

Jensen is juggling two realities, but Jared has it worse. He wants so much to be the _good guy_ , Alexis’ best friend. Jensen sees him struggling and does what he can, which turns out to be very little.

They’re betraying Alexis. Jensen knows that’s what Jared is thinking about when he gets lost in his own head, ignores Jensen’s phone calls and texts for a day or two. Those are the times when Jensen is positive he’s going to put an end to what they’re doing. That guilt will compel Jared to confess everything to Alexis and break them into three separate, irreparable pieces. 

He never does.

Jensen imagines he’ll never be ready to lose either one of them.

+++++

Jensen spends a cool, October afternoon with Jared at the local animal welfare society. Jared has wanted a dog for years, finally ready, but he doesn’t want to go alone. It’s obvious why when he comes close to sobbing in Jensen’s arms outside one of the large, grassy dog runs. That’s when Jared opens up about the dogs he took care of as a child, his parents allowing him to adopt unwanted neighborhood pets until their house couldn’t hold any more animals.

Jensen holds him until he’s ready to meet some of the spirited adult dogs, each one more adoptable than the one before. He stands at Jared’s back and watches him throw a tennis ball for a shepherd mix named Lily, the sadness disappearing from his expression each time the dog bounds back and demands another go. He rubs Jared’s shoulder while he signs the adoption papers and helps load Lily in the backseat of Jared’s truck.

They go back to Jared’s together, as if that’s _home_ , and play with Lily until all three of them are exhausted. When they fall into bed, Jared spreads his legs and reaches for Jensen. Throws his head back when Jensen slides into him, kisses Jensen’s arms and wrists while he’s braced above him, and gives himself over.

It’s the night Jensen realizes he loves Jared.

He can’t remember where in the world Alexis is.

+++++

Jensen’s brother-in-law proposes to his girlfriend at the beginning of November, and Alexis decides to fly home for the engagement party.

Jensen spends the entire night surrounded by Alexis, her family, and their friends, and fighting the itch under his skin. He’s torn between wishing Jared wasn’t stuck at his restaurant and wanting him as far away as possible.

Jensen knows who he is when he's around Jared. He knows who he is with Alexis. When they're in the same room, Jensen feels like he's being torn apart.

His wife’s hand feels small in his when they’re standing across from her mother, holding glasses of champagne. It seems Alexis’ sister is pregnant again, news spreading fast among the guests. As soon as her mother is distracted, Alexis asks Jensen for a refill on her drink. He squeezes her hand in understanding and turns to find a bottle.

Less than a week later, Alexis brings up the idea of a trip just for the two of them. To reconnect, she says. The idea sends a shockwave through Jensen’s nervous system until Alexis tells him she blames herself for the long separations they’ve faced. The sunlight is warm on Jensen’s back as he lies next to her in their bed, her knees tucked against his and her hand on his elbow. When she talks, she uses phrases like _adventure_ and _the good old days_. Words that make this trip sound like the best thing for them.

Getting vacation time won’t be easy, but Jensen can see that she needs this. What little time he’s been able to steal with Jared over the last few weeks has been unusually intense. On Jensen’s part, when they’re together, that four letter word pounds against the inside of his ribcage. Sex has become more possessive, and when Jensen lies awake watching Jared sleep, he wonders when Jared’s going to demand more.

Dread and anticipation are difficult to distinguish from one another.

+++++

They visit three countries in eight days over Thanksgiving. Jensen gives up trying to manage their itinerary on the second day. Tours, museums, dinners with contacts Alexis has made throughout her travels. Instead of relaxing, Jensen feels like he’s being paraded around Eastern Europe.

When they do talk, it’s late at night in their hotel room when Jensen’s worn down from the day. He thought reconnecting meant spending time one-on-one. Rediscovering the magic they felt crisscrossing the globe when they were first married. He didn’t think it meant fighting through crowds at every landmark or catching the next train. They have sex, physical compatibility still off the charts, and afterwards Jensen listens to Alexis talk about her job, what they want from her, and where she wants to be in two, five, ten years. Wrinkles her nose when she brings up her sister’s pregnancy.

She doesn’t want kids, she says, drawing Jensen back from the verge of sleep. It’s hardly a surprise. He isn’t given a chance to respond to that before she rolls over, putting the conversation to bed.

In Jensen’s mind, those quiet moments of conversation are the highlight of the trip.

He dreams about Jared, where they might go if they could travel together. The mountains, perhaps. No one but the two of them for miles. Cool afternoons spent fishing, content in silence, followed by nights sharing body heat. Or a remote beach resort, long days beside crystal blue water. Watching Jared’s skin turn brown while Jensen does his best not to end up with a million freckles.

Jensen can picture it clearly; he’s disappointed when Alexis’ phone alarm wakes him the next morning. There’s barely enough time to kiss his wife good morning before they’re rushing to the train station.

They return home with stories to tell: what they saw, where they went. It sounds like they had the time of their lives. If their connection is stronger, though, Jensen is numb to it. He sees Alexis’ face light up when she tells her brother about spending Thanksgiving Day in Prague and pretends he feels it, too.

He lets that be enough.

Jared doesn’t come to their Welcome Home party. He sends Alexis a text claiming he can’t get away from the restaurant. To Jensen, he sends a simple, two-word message. _I can’t._

It’s too much for him. For Jensen, too. He wishes he could be happy with Alexis, be the man she married. But he’s had Jared. Knows him inside and out. There’s no going back after that.

For the first time since the affair started, Jensen wonders what his life would look like if he met Jared first instead of Alexis.

+++++

Two days after Christmas, there’s a knock on Jensen’s door. His wife of five years is spending the holiday in London with her publisher and her editor. The wrapped gifts she left for Jensen sit unopened on the dining room table. He didn’t bother putting up a tree.

He opens the door and finds Jared standing on his porch. He’s been absent for weeks, ignoring Jensen’s texts and phone calls, but Jensen places no blame on him. 

Seeing Jared there, within reach, erases the misery. Suddenly Jensen needs to touch him, kiss him, tell him how much he means. How Jensen no longer thinks he can live without him. Being separated over the last few weeks proved that. 

Jensen made a vow to Alexis. That he would love her and honor her until death parted them. Jared deserves no less when his place in Jensen’s heart is equally assured.

It’s time to confess.

Jared takes Jensen’s hand and follows him inside without a word.

They don’t leave again until New Year’s Day.

+++++

Two years from now, Jensen sees a house that's finished, a vegetable garden in the back and a kitchen filled with stainless steel and beautiful granite.

Five years from now, Jensen sees himself with a promotion, more freedom to direct the firm and more time to spend with his nieces and nephews.

Ten years from now, Jensen sees a second house by the lake, one he helped rebuild and refinish, taking long weekends to celebrate new endeavors and milestones.

Jensen can only see Alexis from a distance, unable to picture his wife without an ocean between them. 

 

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> What happens next? Well, that's up to you.


End file.
